Saturday, January 17, 2009
; 10:17 PM
'we can't all be dreamers.'
i think that's about the only quote i can remember from lit book, sense of belonging. oh how i miss those times, when studies were interesting. i think i'm like the protagonist, always so impractical and unrealistic. i wish for this, i wish for that. i wish to get into Harvard, haha yeah i know its funny. cause i'm stupid right? f**k you. you don't know how much it hurts when you scoff at my dreams. we'll see who has the last laugh okay. i'm getting into Harvard or some other prestigious university no matter what.
hello everyone, today is a bad bad day. ogl refresher course was fun, i'm beginning to like the og, i'm glad i decided to give it another shot. choir wasn't as fun. firstly i had to rush out and abandon my lovely, newly-made friends, hah who am i kidding, i only made like err 3? haha but ok whatever. anw, as i was saying, i had to go early cause kwei messed up the timing, so in the end, choir ended like at 1.30++, and tuition was at like 4.45. like wth, what was i supposed to do to kill time? and some really nice friend of mine decided to ps me last minute to see her boyfriend. thanks. that was bloody nice. and on top of that, i HAVE NO MONEY AND NO E-ZLNK CARD. so how was i supposed to get my lunch? am i supposed to walk from siglap to parkway? and of course, she wouldn't give a damn about that right? cause her boyfriend's just so important. anw, i called my mum who was having some appointment to pick me up and she had to rush down just to pick me up. and oh, did i mention i was also freaking starving?! so i waited for 1 and a half hours in pain cause i'm so hungry, while my friend happily goes dating.
i never would have done what she did. or maybe i did. and if i did, i'm sorry. i just realised how terribly it hurts when someone does that to you.
i'm sorry but i'm not some toy you throw aside when your boyfriend comes along. you have to draw the line cause if you continue like this, when something happens, you'll find you have no friends to turn to. i'm not gonna be that patient idiot. go find someone else.
and a certain someone kind of embarrassed me today in front of people. and not like teasing or anything but that kind that really throws my face. i'm so freaking angry at that person. like hello? i don't think its funny, i just heh only BECAUSE i couldn't get the f**king note okay. i'm not like musically inclined or what so pls get off your almighty chair and see for once that not everyone has perfect pitch. and i'm trying my f**king best so i don't need those kind of smartass comments. you've no right to embarrass me like that. and the only reason why i don't fire back at you ( you know i have a bad temper) is because i respect you, and i don't wish to throw your face either. i could simply say yeah, i think its bloody funny, you not happy ah? so pls show some respect to me.
choir is bullshit okay. no one shows respect, its disgusting. as long as you're not good at singing, you'll be the laughing stock. as long as you're different, you're an outcast, you're ostracised. hello, you need to realise people have feelings. all those rumours i heard are damn true lah.
i've had enough lah. its hard to juggle choir/house/studies/tuition. honestly, i think i'm going crazy. i know some ppl may think, how hard can it be? its just choir afterall. haha, but you'll never know until you're in choir. its just so arghhh. and i'm not aiming for a pass you know? i'm actually aiming for all a's. and harvard, as you can see from above. i know ppl have done it before, but i'm not ppl, i'm nicole ng, if i cannot means i cannot. so stop pushing me off the edge alrdy. i'm trying my best!
whatever man, i'm just gonna give it 1 last shot before i quit. and since i've posted this, there's no turning back. after that, its goodbye, and i'm sorry man, if i let down my friends, but there's just a limit to how much shit i can take. i'm not someone you play around with, i'm an individual and i have my own opinions. you're not manipulating me.
i'm sorry if this post offends people, but honestly, right now when tears are running down my face, i don't give a f**king damn.
